Caught in The Act
by Reanna-Kris-Katelyn
Summary: a series where FMA characters are put in the spotlight for crazy things they did. R&R please!
1. Roy: the Cleaning Alchemist

Me: Heh-heh-heh…

Ed: Oh no… she has that evil glint in her eye…

Al: And she's listening to "My Immortal"…

Roy: This can't be good…

Me: A new fan fiction series… "Caught in the Act"…

Ed: What's it about if I may ask…

Me: **Evil grin **"Caught in the act" is an embarrassing series of the FMA cast's mistakes, or just embarrassing moments that others caught them doing…

Roy: Uh… Oh…

Me: First off we have the Roy Version…

Caught in the Act: Roy Mustang, The Cleaning Alchemist

"Colonel? Why is it that you find all this time to be lazy and do your paperwork but never find time to clean this office?" First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye asked Colonel Roy Mustang one afternoon when she found him asleep at his desk.

"Meh… Seen Second Lieutenant Havoc's office lately? It's a pigsty…" The Flame Colonel replied stretching out and putting his feet on his desk in a relaxed manner. 1st Lt. Hawkeye slapped at Col. Mustang's foot and he immediately put them down and looked her in the eyes. "Look, It's not my fault the others come in here and leave their crap on my floor, you think I mess my office up for pleasure?" Col. Mustang said in an annoyed tone.

"Actually, I'd believe that you do." 1st Lt. Hawkeye's blunt reply was before she turned and left the office, slamming his door as she exited.

"I'll show her I can clean an office…" Col. Mustang muttered and reached under his desk while reaching behind himself and closing the blinds. From under the desk emerged a bucket of cleaning supplies and was set on the desktop a pink frilly apron covering exactly WHAT kind of cleaning supplies were in the bucket.

Major Edward Elric stepped out of his office and stretched as best he could with a stack of signed forms in his arms. Behind him was a smaller boy who looked almost like Maj. Elric only with hair a darker shade than Maj. Elric's. This boy was the finally human again Second Lieutenant Alphonse Elric, Maj. Elric's younger brother. Both 2nd Lt. and Maj. Elric exchanged looks that said 'let's cause some trouble with Colonel Mustang' with identical malicious grins.

Maj. Elric and 2nd Lt. Elric dropped off the paperwork with 1st Lt. Hawkeye and both of them snuck over to Col. Mustang's office, malevolent grins in place.

"On three, we'll both burst in and shout something about miniskirts." Maj. Elric mouthed to his younger brother who grinned more broadly and nodded.

"One… Two…" 2nd Lt. Elric began but was silenced by what he heard through the door.

"Flippin' Hawkeye… Who the hell does she think she is? I'M the higher up, she should RESPECT me, not tell me what the flippin' hell to do." Col. Mustang's voice muttered loudly and both of the Elrics exchanged evil grins, to them it confirmed that the target: Colonel Roy Mustang was in his office. Maj. Elric grasped the doorknob and nodded to 2nd Lt. Elric who nodded back and mouthed the word "Three".

At that word Maj. Elric opened the door and both brothers shouted that 1st Lt. Hawkeye was wearing a miniskirt with her uniform but stopped when they saw the following scene before them.

"Oh my god! Roy's a girl! It's like Christmas!" 2nd Lt. Elric said aloud staring at Col. Mustang and the sidesplitting sight before them.

Col. Mustang was wearing a pair of yellow rubber gloves, a frilly pink apron, carried a sponge in one hand with a duster in his other, and to top it all off his cheeks were tinged with a bright reddish pink tone. Maj. Elric's Jaw dropped and 2nd Lt. Elric began to snicker slightly. Col. Mustang however threw down the duster and sponge in a rage, and both of the Elrics sensing that Col. Mustang was angered ran from the room laughing at the once mighty Flame Colonel in his pink frilly apron. The only thing that could be heard from the room was Col. Mustang's shouting as he said:

"I'LL GET YOU BOTH FOR THIS! I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!"

Me: Hum… I think I over did the ranks…

Roy: …

Me: I thank my mother for this idea as she made me clean the stairs and bathrooms, it gives me too much thinking time…

Ed: Frilly pink apron? **Lols** That's pretty manly of you Roy!

Al: **Just giggles like a girl** …

Me: Yeah… I over did the ranks… I'll have to skip them next installment…

Al: **Chokes on laughter** …

Me: Roy in a frilly pink apron isn't that funny Al… **Shakes head at the giggling Elrics**

_**Please note: this is the result of no sleep, Coffee, chores, Evanesance, and Miniskirtism… Miniskirtism is a dictatorship in which all women of the military are forced to wear tiny mini-skirts. It's a philosophy. Example: Roy Mustang, our favorite Pink frilly apron wearing, Flame Colonel. I started this "Caught in the Act" Fic because I was bored and had nothing better to do. I couldn't call Kaylee to ask her about what I should do to a certain Flame Alchemist so I'm dedicating this to my mom, who gave me the idea, and Elizabeth Olsen, who I got to talk to today after months of trying to get a hold of her. Elizabeth: You're my inspiration on this fic! Contact me sometime! **_


	2. Edward: The Naked Imature Alchemist

Me: Heh-heh-heh…

Al: She's at it again…

Ed: And she's listening to "Give Me Novacane"…

Roy: **Is still embarrassed from last chapter** TT not fair…

Ed: Let's get this straight… she makes up embarrassing things about us then types it?

Me: Yes… That's what "Caught in the Act" Means Ed…

Ed: Uh… Oh… You said my name…

Me: Yes… now for the Edward Section…

Caught in the Act: Edward Elric, The Immature Naked Alchemist.

Edward stood on a stool. He hated being short, end of story. What may you ask was he doing on the stool? Well, Edward wanted cookies and thank god he was at home, the thing was: Alphonse, his younger brother, always put the cookies in a jar on top of the fridge, even though the younger Elric brother couldn't quite reach them either.

"YARG!" Edward's triumphant yell came as he toppled from the stool with the cookie jar clutched tightly to his chest. Edward landed with a loud crash that no one heard but him because Alphonse wasn't home. Edward grinned evilly as he reached into the open refrigerator and pulled out a jug of chocolate syrup closing it with a loud snap.

"Ed… You forgot the milk…" Winry's voice said in Edward's mind and the eldest Elric chuckled as he set the cookie jar and syrup jug on the table with a bowl, pulling up a chair so he could relax.

"You sound just like Sensei…" Edward mumbled at the comment Winry would have said in his mind. Edward smiled and poured the syrup in the bowl so that it filled one third of the bowl before stopping. Edward got up from his chair and returned the syrup to the refrigerator then climbed back into his chair grabbing the cookie jar and taking out six chocolate chip cookies.

Edward glanced around to make sure no one was home and then grinned as he picked up one of the six cookies. Edward made random airplane noises as he smothered his cookie in chocolate syrup before shoving it in his mouth chewing on it happily. Izumi Curtis always told Edward that the way he ate cookies was bad for him, in fact she forced him to drink milk with his cookies instead of letting him get a sugar high that lasted usually for five or more hours on end, no matter how much he protested that he hated milk.

"WHEEEE OOHHHH! CENTRAL COMMAND THIS IS A CRAS-MUFING!" Edward shouted after chocolate coating his second cookie stuffing it in his mouth like the previous one. By the time the chocolate was completely gone from his bowl, Edward had consumed twelve or more cookies (I lost track after the sixth time he said it was a crash landing with cookie in his mouth). After his cookies Edward suddenly had the urge to move around, which he did so without complaint on his own part and began to zoom around the room with chocolate staining his face like he had a mustache and beard.

"EASTERN COMAND HERE I COME!" Edward said and ran himself into a wall. "Wheeee…." Edward said as he slid down the wall a very happy grin on his face. Events like this continued for four hours straight until Alphonse came home and found Edward running around like a second grader on crack in the kitchen.

"Heybrotherhavesomecookies!" Edward said so fast Alphonse barely translated what his older brother was saying. Alphonse took a good look at his brother's happy face then shook his head.

"Ed… Where are your clothes?" Alphonse asked just as Edward slammed himself into another wall singing 'Wheee' as he slid down the wall.

When Edward got to his feet it dawned on him what Alphonse asked and Edward looked down at himself a red tinge appearing across his nose and cheeks.

"I knew I forgot something this morning…" Edward said. Edward was given a towel to wear to his room with and as it had turned out, Edward had been running around for a long time without his clothes, completely and utterly naked.

Me: **Chokes in laughter** WOW!

Ed: I got to admit that is funny…

Al: **Snickers** Without clothes… that's a classic…

Roy: **Rolls on the floor laughing **…

Me: **Collapses in laughing fit** I almost typed that Roy instead of rolling on the floor laughing, was rolling around naked!

All: **Gigantic loling fit** …

**Note: I do NOT hate Edward… I like him… I just found it amusing when an image popped into my mind of Edward acting like a second grader on crack…Ask me no more questions and I'll tell you no more lies… Edward's in the bedroom zipping up his fly… is in the city; the bees are in the park Riza and Roy are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k, Dark, Dark, Dark! Darker than the ocean, darker than the sea, darker than the panties that Roy wears for Maes! I know I know the Major, I know I know the General, and I know I know the Fuehrer with the 40-acre bra! **

Me: Where the hell did that come from?

Roy: I have no clue…

Al: Does King Bradley really wear a forty acre bra?

Ed: **Just lols sugar still in his system** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Al: Step away from the psycho…

Me: That song made no sense… exactly why Ed's laughing and making no sense…

Roy: Exactly… But I think it is kinna funny…


	3. Winry: Loser Machine Junkie

Me: He-he-he…

Roy: Not another one…

Al: the song's 'American Idiot' this time… I wonder what she has planned this time…

Ed: First victim was Roy, Second was me… I wonder whose next…

Me: I was going to do this one on Al, but I've got writers block on Maj. Quack…

Al: **Blushes** Maj. Quack?

Me: Yes. Now lets get started on the humiliation of Winry Rockbell…

Ed: **Snickers**

Caught in the Act: Winry Rockbell, Loser Machine Junkie.

"Alchemy Freak!"

"Loser machine junkie!"

"ALCHEMY FREAK!"

"LOSER MACHINE JUNKIE!"

Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell were at it again, Edward had pissed Winry off by talking about alchemy and she pissed him off by talking about auto-mail.

"Both of you stop! You acting like little kids!" Edward's little brother, Alphonse, said to them in a whiny pleading voice.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP," Edward then turned to Alphonse, "KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS!" Edward shouted before stomping out of the room. "YOU ALWAYS TAKE THAT LOSER MACHINE JUNKIE'S SIDE YOU SEXIST ASSWIPE!" Edward's voice said from out side causing Alphonse to sigh and turn to Winry.

"Sorry about that Winry, I don't think he meant that…" Alphonse said and sighed. Winry only glared at Alphonse and huffed off to her workbench and began to tinker with an auto mail arm that she was making.

A few hours later, Edward and Alphonse were looking for Winry but could find her nowhere.

"I wonder where she went… I only want to apologize for calling her a loser machine junkie…" Edward said and Alphonse sighed.

"Big brother you have zero luck with the ladies… Don't you?" Alphonse asked and Edward turned a slight shade of red.

"No… I only have zero luck with Winry…" Edward said and blushed a bit more.

"Well… in that case… I'm going to visit Mom… You find Winry and apologize…" Alphonse said and turned and walked off. (A/N Idiots who do not already know this: Trisha Elric is dead… Al's going to visit her GRAVE…)

After Alphonse left Edward searched around again, and upon finding no trace of her outside he went in and almost half expected a wrench to hit his head as he entered. Edward looked in all the bedrooms and miscellaneous rooms of the house until he came to Winry and her grandmother's workroom. That's where he found Winry and upon approaching her he found her asleep, and talking in her sleep while clutching the Automail arm she was working on.

"Winry… Winry… Wake up Winry…" Edward said in her ear and she unconsciously smacked his nose thinking he was a fly.

"Take that Ed… Moo… Stupid Alchemy freak…" Winry muttered.

"Moo?" Edward thought then spoke a little louder. "Winry! Winry, wake up!"

"Moo… damn dancing wrenches… MINE! Cookies! BACK OFF ED, MY COOKIES!" Winry sleep muttered and Edward choked back laughter.

"First moo, then dancing wrenches and cookies… What the hell are you dreaming?" Edward said in her ear and as if to reply she stuck the automail arm's thumb in her mouth drooling all over the mechanical hand.

"Cookies…" Winry muttered chewing on the mechanical thumb and Edward fell over laughing silently.

A few hours later Edward had told Alphonse what Winry did in her sleep and didn't believe him. That is, until she came into the room yawning.

"What are you two Alchemy freaks doing… what's with the laughing guys?" Winry said with a huge yawn and Edward dashed to get the Arm he had mentioned to Alphonse and brought it to his brother showing him Winry's teeth marks.

"NO WAY!" Alphonse shouted and laughed.

"No way what?" Winry asked and Edward pointed at the Automail thumb.

"Some things just can't be explained Winry… Like chewing on Automail thinking it's cookies, Dancing wrenches, and the word Moo…" Edward said and Winry stared at Edward her temper gage going from zero to ten.

"YOU'RE DEAD ALCHEMY FREAK!" She yelled and ran after Edward who ran from the room.

"CATCH ME IF YOU CAN LOSER MACHINE JUNKIE!" Edward's voice said from outside and Alphonse slammed his face down on the kitchen table laughing as he heard Winry's attempts to murder his older brother.

There are some things you can't get anywhere, and seeing someone you know chewing on automail in their sleep, talking about dancing wrenches, and mooing in their sleep is one of them… and for Edward… It's his one-way ticket to the hospital…

Me: That's funny…

Edward: Didn't you read something on dancing cupcakes?

Me: Yeah, it was in a shaman king fic… it's a really funny one too…

Edward: Winry's going to kill you…

Me: I know…


	4. Scar: The Cross Dressing Ishvarlan

Me: Thanks to a special request, I will continue "Caught in the act"

Al: Uh-Oh…

Me: Yes Al, we all know what this means… More insanity, FROM ME!

Ed: So… Ummm… Whose next?

Me: Scar…

Roy: This HAS to be good…

Me: Sure… Shut up!

Roy: Yes Ma'am…

Me: And I have a special Dedication for this one… This section is dedicated to James Anderson, my best guy friend at HHS! He's like a less psycho and demented Scar…. Sooooo…. Now the Scar Section!

Caught in the Act: Scar, The Cross Dressing Ishvarlan.

It was nighttime, the place in question? A nation ruined by the military, Ishbal.

Our favorite psycho killer of military alchemists, Scar, was packing a suitcase humming loudly a tune that strangely sounded like Ready-Steady-Go. He was going to visit our favorite short blonde military alchemist, Edward Elric in Central City. He closed the suitcase and smiled at his handy work. When he had turned around the suitcase, which had been stuffed to it's limits with different kinds of traveling toiletries and clothes, burst open with a loud Pop noise and the Psycho Ishvarlan killer turned back around cursing loudly as he gathered his things and began to repack them neatly this time in his suitcase.

"AND STAY CLOSED THIS TIME DAMNIT!" Scar yelled at the suitcase as he stomped out of the room.

Meanwhile In A Messed Over Place Called Central City

Edward yawned and looked at a clock that hung over his door. It was ten o'clock in the evening and Edward couldn't wait to get home. Winry had moved to Central City a few months ago to help out with building some new equipment, and the worst part for Edward was that she lived with Alphonse and Edward. Edward wasn't looking forward to Winry, but to her cooking. Edward glanced at his paperwork then back at the clock, ten fifteen… Glance paper, glance clock… Ten thirty… Glance paper, glance clock… Ten forty-five…

"Damn clock… hurry up…" Edward complained and just as he said this the intercom sounded.

"Major Elric, you are excused for the day." And Edward couldn't help but let out a hoot of delight as he finished signing the top paper, putting it in the OUT tray on his desk, and waltzing out of his office in a happy mood. He hurried home to delicious cooking.

Back In Ishbal

The next morning Scar smiled to himself as he boarded the train to Central City. But his smile was interrupted by a growl from his stomach. At that he had to curse, as smart a person as he was he hadn't had breakfast that morning.

"Oh boy…" Scar thought as he got out of his seat and went to the dining car to get a mug of coffee as well as some kind of breakfast.

A few hours later Scar was snoring away in La-La-Land his stomach full of food from the breakfast buffet. Scar mumbled for a few moments then woke yawning loudly streaching like a cat. He looked around before taking out a silver pocket watch with King Bradley's symbol on it, yes it was a state alchemist watch, and yes that meant Scar was a part of the military. He smiled at the watch before checking the time and putting it back in his pocket.

Scar had only been asleep for two hours, and he had been on the train for three.

I'm going to pause the story for a second to explain something…

Scar is part of the military. How did he get that way? Well it took a lot of whining, complaining, and stuff about his and Rosé's baby, for me to convince him that just for this fic he should be in the military. I do realize he is a psycho alchemist killer so what better place to put him than the military! I know all Scar fan's are going to murder me for this but… Scar is an undercover alchemist, so he rarely is seen at central command. Although there have been many reports from 1st Lt. Hawkeye about Scar showing up for a meeting with Col. Mustang completely drunk, and wearing a dress… Youll find out later…

Now back to the story… Where were we again? Oh right the Train!

Those three hours had been spent eating and sleeping, and since three hours had gone by that meant he was going to be in Central in around fourty five minutes.

"Yipee…" Scar thought aloud as he twirled a sarcastic finger in the air. A little kid poked his head over the front of the seat in front of him.

"Hey mommy? Is that the psycho alchemist killer? If that's him he's funny and he's talking to himself!" the little kid said and Scar sneezed to cover his laughter.

'True, I WAS a psycho killer… but now I'm your harmless, or not as harmless, soldier of the military.' Scar thought in his mind as the child's mother tried to apologize for her child's rudeness. Scar smiled.

"It's quite all right Ma'am… he just may not be used to seeing an Ishvarlan." Scar replied and the woman smiled turning back around to chastise the kid.

Twenty minutes later the train pulled into Central City and Scar stood with his suitcase then walked off the train.

Within a few moments the Ex-state killer came to Central command and entered the white marble building. When he entered he immediately bumped into our favorite teen, who once had his soul stuck in a suit of armor, Alphonse Eric.

"SCAR!" Alphonse had shouted then tackled the Ishvarlan Psycho.

"Easy Al…" Scar said and smiled at Alphonse and since Alphonse was on his way home he invited the Ishvarlan to spend the week he was supposed to be in Central at the Elrics.

Later that night when Edward came home his brother tackled him in a greeting.

"Nii-San! You'll never guess who's here!" Alphonse said and smiled as he helped Edward stand.

"Who if I may be so bold as to ask?" Edward said with a huge edge in his voice.

"SCAR!"

"What?"

"S-C-A-R… as in Psycho Ishvarlan whom we love so much!"

"And he's here, TODAY?"

"YEAH! Great isn't it!"

"HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TOMARROW!"

"Oopsss…?"

The two brothers stopped arguing when they heard a fimilar female scream as Winry entered the room screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Edward asked with a frown.

"It… It…. It's horrible! He… Oh god!" Winry said unaware that she wasn't making any sense.

"Damn It!" Edward said cursing as he grabbed Alphonse and drug him down the hallway to Winry's room. When they arrived her closet had been ransacked and humming (The ready steady go humming mentioned to be made only by Scar.) was coming from the bathroom that was connected to Winry's room. The brothers inched closer and the humming got louder and louder with each step but when they looked inside the bathroom the humming had stopped and Scar looked at them wearing a white dress.

"Does this make me look fat?" he asked and the Elrics ran from the room screaming, only unlike Winry… it was in laughter… Scar had Winry's makeup neatly applied on his face as well as he was wearing Winry's favorite white dress…

Some Ishvarlans never learn… especially Scar…

Me: Hmmm… Kudos to Jimbo!

Ed: Jimbo?

Me: Jimmy, Santiago Mendez…

Ed: Why give him Kudos?

Me: Cause, the Winry closet conspiracy started with him…

Ed: Winry… Closet… Conspiracy?

Me: Yes…. Scar wearing Winry's stuff…

Ed: Oh…


	5. Alphonse: The Bath Time Alchemist

Me: HA!

Al: Ha, What?

Ed: Oh no…

Al: What…

Me: Major Quackers, the rubber ducky commander…

Al: **gulps** Y-Y-You wouldn't!

Me: I will… Introducing the FIFTH installment of "Caught in the Act" Alphonse!

Al: I hate you…

Caught in the Act: Alphonse Elric, The Bath Time Alchemist.

Alphonse had a pile of miscellaneous toiletries in his arms as he made is way to the bathroom. Edward wasn't home so Alphonse had access to the bathtub before Edward did, and to him that was an advantage because he liked to have long Alphonse "Me" times that involved a lot of foam and off key songs.

Alphonse set his things on the toilet and set a radio on the counter tuning it to his favorite music station and turning on the hot water.

Alphonse sighed as he took off his shirt and looked in the mirror. After being in armor for so long he forgot he was human it was a shock to be able to not see his reflection in his skin. He flexed his right arm watching his muscles stretch and contract. He smiled. This was his guilty pleasure time, and no you frikken pervs it doesn't mean Al whacks off to the tune of ready steady go…

What alphonse defined as "His guilty pleasure time" was in fact bath time. In all sad truth Alphonse Elric, liked to take a bath. He had a fetish for looking at himself with hot water dripping from his short blonde hair, but as most fangirls I know would say, it really wasn't a bad thing to have. He was finally human after four frikken years of being a soul in armor, I mean come on! If you had been like that for four years you'd do the same fucking thing… Alphonse glanced at the half water, half foam filled tub and smiled turning off the water.

Alphonse took an army of rubber ducks from the under sink cupboard and tossed them into the bath with a smile.

LATER…

Edward came home yawning and he went to his room and changed clothes and that's when he heard it…

"FOREFIT THE GAME BEFORE SOMBODY ELSE TAKES YOU OUTTA FRAME, PUT'S YOUR NAME TO SHAME, COVER UP YOUR FACE, YOU CAN'T RUN THE RACE THE PACE IS TO FAST YOU JUST WON'T LAST." The loud off key words came.

"Nani?" Edward asked himself then began to explore the house to find the badly singing person. When Edward had gotten to the bathroom the singing had stopped but he heard his brother's voice.

"Major Quack, the mission is dangerous. One false move and Lt. Quack and the rest of your team will be buried in the big foamy bathtub in the sky…" Alphonse's voice said. Edward pressed his ear to the door to listen in as Alphonse described a "Dangerous" mission to someone by the name of "Major Quack".

After an hour of Major Quack's briefing loud miniature splashes were heard along with Alphonse shouting, "ABORT MISSION!" over and over again. By now Edward was hella curious and he slowly opened the door. Edward got the door open and stared at Alphonse before saying: "Nani?"

Edward opened and closed the door a few times and by the fifth time he did this Alphonse had noticed the Elder Elric.

"ED!" Alphonse shouted as he took a Napoleon hat from his head and tried to hide it behind his back.

"I'm not even gunna ask…" Edward said leaving with a disturbed look.

Alphonse had been playing with an army of Rubber ducks, and one of the ducks had a plastic Napoleon hat on and was obviously "Major Quack" and Alphonse had been splashing around like a five-year-old wearing an elaborate Napoleon hat of his own.

Hell, everyone's heard of Master card well here's what had been floating through Edward's mind as he walked away:

Rubber ducks: $10

Napoleon hat for Halloween: $30

Bubble bath bubble solution: $3

Hot water bill: $120

Seeing your little brother who's fourteen years old playing with rubber ducks in a bubble bath and wearing a cosplay hat: Priceless!

There are some things nature can't provide, but for everything else there's Alchemy.

Me: **Frowns** hum… not that amusing? Am I loosing my touch?

Ed: I donno, but I though it was good.

Al: I hate you….

Me: Yah… What ever Al… Yes, I definitely need to make this better…

All: **Sigh**


	6. Riza: The Immature Singing Sharpshooter

Me: Here's another request from one of my reviewers! Thanks to mimiru1618 I have decided to do a Riza section…

Ed: No! Not her too!

Me: Yep… Now shut the hell up!

Ed: Yes ma'am… **Sulks**

Me: Good boy…

Roy: Kate is it really wise of you to keep this up?

Me: Yes… you have no clue what my fans will do if I don't continue…

Roy: Alright… **Shrugs**

Caught in the Act: Riza Hawkeye, Immature Singing Sharpshooter.

Riza sat in her office sucking on a cherry flavored lolli-pop as she read a book called: "Basic Weapon Building Guide For Amateurs".

"ARF, ARF!" a small black and white dog whined as he clawed at the door. Riza looked over her book and looked fondly at the dog before removing the pop from her mouth, setting it on it's wrapper.

"All right Black Hayate. I'll take you out for a walk…" Riza said taking out a blue leash and called the dog over to her. "Sit, Good. Shake, Good. Play dead… O.K. that needs work…" Riza said as she gave Black Hayate some basic commands. He knew 'sit', which he preformed, 'shake', which he did, but when it came to 'play dead', Black Hayate preferred to chase his tail instead of getting into an obscene position. Riza sighed, clipped the leash onto the collar that identified Black Hayate as a "Dog of the Millitary" quite literally, and left the office humming quietly to herself. Black Hayate let out a whine that meant he had to take a potty break and Riza grinned as she quickly made her way to Roy Mustang's office with Black Hayate in tow.

Later an Angry male shout and cursing was heard by most of the military as Roy Mustang stepped right in the present Black Hayate had left for him.

"Capt. Hawkeye!" Roy shouted as loud as he could and minutes passed as he waited with his right foot in the pile of smelly dog crap. Riza poked her head in with her Cherry lolli-pop in mouth as she smiled innocently at Roy.

"Yes Colonel? Is there a problem?" Riza asked her eyes sparkling with a slight hint of "you had this coming yah now, Karma works like that…"

"I would kindly like to know why there is dog shit on my floor…"

"I don't know sir… maybe Havoc let Black Hayate in as a joke, Sir."

"What ever, just keep the dog out next time…"

With that Riza left with a sense of superiority. It made her feel good to have pulled a prank on Roy, and to think about it she may do it again. Riza smiled when she got back to her office unaware that Roy had set up a recording device using alchemy while she was walking back. On this note, she began to sing quietly at first then a little more loudly.

"I'm a Winry girl! In a Winry wooooorrrrllllldddd!" She sang still oblivious to the recording device. "I'm made of plastic, It's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere!" Riza then chuckled as she stopped the song and began a different version of the song. "I'm a Alphonse girl, my face makes you huuuuuuurrrrrrrrlllllllll! Acne everywhere unwanted facial hair! I'm a relation to frankenstine's creation! Let's go Alphonse, you disgust me!" Riza sang then heard something that made her stop for a moment. It was chuckling. She figured it was Lt. Jean Havoc walking around proud to take the blame for the dog crap incident and continued with another song this one more retarded than the last.

"I hate you! You hate me! Let's get together and kill Armstrong…" Riza paused and scratched her head, she couldn't remember the lyrics, and neither did she care so she switched songs again. "Tic-tac-toe, three in a row, Roy got shot by a G.I. Joe, Maes called the doctor and the doctor said... FUCK ROY IS DEAD!" Riza sang the last part louder than normal and she heard miscellaneous giggling from outside, but paid no mind to it. She thought for a moment then pranced around her office singing more. "I'm a little tea pot short and stout, my name is Edward so please don't shout! I have a temper and I'll go off, so just you try and piss me off! (pause) Deck the halls with gasoline, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, Light the match and hear Roy scream, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, Sit back and watch the flames flicker, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, aren't you glad you played with fire? fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!" Riza then became aware that the laughing had grown louder since she had started singing and opened her office door to find Jean, Maes, Roy, Armstrong, Edward, Alphonse, Fuery, Breda, and Falman all listening in laughing their asses off.

"What in the name of…" Riza thought then realized Roy had been listening all along and she pulled out her gun an angry look crossing her face. "YOU HAVE THE COUNT OF THREE TO SCRAM AND NEVER SAY A WORD OF THIS TO ANYONE!" Riza shouted and chased Roy down the halls.

Roy knew to keep running but soon he'd have to face her and let her know, Karma is a royal pain in the ass.

Me: **Giggles **

Tara: Is your history done yet?

Me: No…

Tara: Why not?

Me: Cause… this is more fun…

Tara: you are frikkin stupid…

Me: Thanks to Mimiru-Chan for the beautiful idea of Riza singing immature songs, it was inspiring! Also to Janet Jimenez for allowing me to "Steal" her History homework in exchange for me writing her 'Life on Mars' Essay, HAH! Equivalent Exchange BITCHES!

Tara: **Takes Janet's history work book from under mine** KATE!

Me: Y…Yes?

Tara: What's this?

Me: Janet-chan's Workbook?

Tara: YOU CHEATED!

Me: No… weren't you listening?

Tara: **Attempts to strangle me (Kate) **YOU'RE A BAD LIAR!

Me: GACK!

**Kudos to:**

**Mimiru618 – The Riza Section**

**Taragwaltney – The Armstrong Section (Coming soon!)**

**Jimmy Mendez – The Scar Section**

**Mom and Elizabeth Olsen – The Roy Section**

**AND……**

**Kaylee Tomsen – The Russell and Fletcher Section (Coming later…), The Edward Section, The Alphonse Section, and The Winry Section**

"**Yah… insane birds of a feather flock all over the place…." – Me!**


	7. Alex: The Drunkard Alchemist

Me: Tara's request time!

Tara: YAH! The humiliation of Alex Louis Armstrong WHOOOO!

Me: Yes… and funny I shall make it.

Tara: Yay!

Me: **Hums "Hold on" by Bwitched **YEAH HOLD ON!

Tara: KATE STOP SINGING OR I'LL FORCE YOU TO DO HOME WORK!

Me: Huh?

Tara: **shoves History homework in my (Kate's) face** Chapters nine, ten and eleven. Get to work…

Me: **Whimpers but gets to work**………..

Tara: that's better…

Several Hours Later… (Seriously I was doing homework)

Me: Tara-Chan… Chapter eleven isn't due yet and I've done chapter nine.

Tara: Why are there blank spaces?

Me: 'Cause my textbook is in my locker?

Tara: Hurry and do this and finish ten and I'll let you slide.

Me: Alright…

Caught in the Act: Alex Louis Armstrong, The Drunkard Alchemist.

Alex Louis Armstrong was the strongest Alchemist in Central city, and he was prized for that strength. He happened to be bored one day to the point where he was lifting different objects to test out how strong he was and eventually he got bored with that as well.

"There is nothing for me to do today. Boredom and Amusement are two sides of the same coin, only amusement is the harder to get of the two!" Armstrong said to himself as he easily lifted his desk as if he were handling an egg.

---STOP STOP STOP---

Wait for a moment dear and devoted readers. You may recognize the phrase: "Two sides of the same coin." That came from the thing he said about Alchemy to Scar in volume two of the Manga. Armstrong states: "What destroys can also create! What creates can also destroy! Destruction and Creation are two sides of the same coin! It's the eternal law of the cosmos!" (Strange how I remember this and not get an "A" on my science tests…) any way, it's something like that, strange and funny as he rips off his shirt… but any way….

---Story? What story… OH This story! I knew that…---

Armstrong set his desk down as a knock sounded at the door. The person behind the door was lieutenant colonel Maes Hughes, one of Armstrong's best friends. (Best allies? Hell, I donno what terms the Lt. Col. And Maj. Are on…)

"Ready to have some fun Major?" Maes asked and Armstrong smiled.

"Ready and willing!" Armstrong said saluting his higher up.

A few hours later Roy came looking for Maes and Armstrong one to give paperwork to and the other to talk privately with. Roy had looked every place he could think of for the Strong-arm alchemist and the living Kodak commercial but when he couldn't find them he rubbed his temples in exasperation. Roy really needed a drink so he picked up his jacket and headed to the local bar where he and Maes usually spent their together time. **_No, Roy and Maes are NOT gay lovers… Although that's got a highly sexy sound to it, but no… this isn't a Shonen Ai story…. _**

When Roy got to the bar he sat in his normal seat and slumped over the counter laying his head on his hand.

"What'll you have tonight Colonel?" The bartender asked as he wiped a beer mug and set it by the flame Colonel.

"The usual, a Bloody Mary with an extra shot on the side." Roy told the bartender and soon his alcoholic beverage was set before him. "Mmmmm…. I love that smell…" Roy said to himself as he sipped lightly at the drink breathing deeply through his nose.

"Hello Mustang, what brings you here?" the voice of Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes said drunkenly.

"Paperwork, Hawkeye, Ed, and loads of other crap." Roy muttered the warm befuddlement of the alcohol settling in his system. "by the way… wheres the major?" Roy asked as he chugged a bit more of his bevrage.

"'ezoberdere…" Maes slurred pointing toward a gaggle of women, his drunkenness deepened because he had drunk more while Roy had talked.

Roy sighed and gathered the papers he had brought with him. He approached the drunken Strongarm Alchemist and immediately regretted it. Armstrong grabbed Roy around the waist and began to waltz with him. After the dance Armstrong kissed Roy on the lips and spoke.

"Dizdabeztdeyobmelif." Armstrong slurred and Maes sat and laughed at the half drunk Colonel and the wasted Major, and little did they know… Ed was taking pictures…

Me: kay… next…

Tara: wow four days to complete this?

Me: yah… I completed the russ and flech section too…

Tara: **imitates Queen Andais from "A Kiss of Shadows"** Oh, Meredith, you have been a busy, busy little bee.

Me: My name's not Meredith… although I do like the name… but yah, thanks for the idea tar…

Tara: no prob… now hurry up with Russ and Fletcher!

Me: Kay…. **Waltzes off**


	8. RussellFletcher:The Pantless Alchemists

Me: A double timer!

Ed: Uh-Oh…

Me: Lol, This time two brothers will be embarrassed together!

Al: You don't mean….

Me: Yep! Russell and Fletcher Tringam will be the stars of this crapizized little fic.

Roy: I don't like this…

Me: Get used to it!

Caught in the Act: Russell and Fletcher Tringam, the Pants-less Alchemists

Russell Trignam was good looking, and his brother, Fletcher, was as adorable as his brother was sexay. The brothers still lived in Xenotime, the city of gold, only this time they weren't using the names of the Elric brothers. The two Trignam brothers had found a way to make the city a beautiful green oasis as it had once been. Although to make the city as pretty as it had once been they had to prove to the towns people that they could do so, but that would take a while because of the thing that had happened with the Elric brothers.

Russell scribbled some notes down as he looked over some books. He glanced at Fletcher who was sitting across the table from him and smiled for Fletcher was asleep on his notes the book he had been copying from leaning heavily on the young boy's ear his hand lightly grasping the book's back cover. Russell set down his book and pen before silently rising. He took the book out of Fletcher's tiny hand and lifted the sleeping boy in his arms. Fletcher muttered something about two liters of water, two and a half kilograms of something else before beginning to snore lightly. Russell carried Fletcher to his room and tucked the boy in bed before smiling slightly as he tucked a bit of his gold hair behind his ear to get it out of his silver eyes.

In the morning Russell and Fletcher went to the local tavern to have some breakfast and talk to someone known as Bilisio (I think I spelled that wrong…).

"Mornin Boys!" the kind hearted tavern keeper said as he addressed the boys.

"M-m-mornin…" Russell said with a huge yawn.

"Good morning Bilisio!" Fletcher said with a cute shy smile.

"Have any luck on the research?" Bilisio asked. Russell nodded viggerously with a huge smile on his usually placid face.

"Yes Sir! And it will benefit the town greatly! In fact Fletch and I were going to demonstrate today by the fountain!" Russell said. Bilisio smiled, he liked the boys' enthusiasm to make the town beautiful again.

"I'll see how many people I can get…"

Note:

All right just a quickie! If anyone's seen "Other brothers Elric: Part Two" then you'd know that Russell is TALENTED with plant alchemy. Therefore he should be able to make the city green with just water, soil, Nitrogen, Phosphorous, and Potassium. (No wonder I got an A on that test…) WEEEEELLLLL, that wouldn't be that much fun to people who know the brothers…. SOOOOOO to make things intresting, lets just SAY they don't know of the water, soil, Nitrogen, Phosphorous, and Potassium thing. And trust me Ladies who love the trignams… yous gunna LOVE what happens…

Back to the story shall we?

Later that afternoon a huge crowd of people hovered around a large circle drawn oh the cement in white chalk. Fletcher was putting the touches on the circle and when he was done he placed a bunch of potted plants from Mudgear's old lab in the center of the circle. When he was done he flashed his older brother a thumbs-up.

"Behold! The city shall be green again!" Russell shouted so everyone could hear him. He and Fletcher then raised their arms and the circled glowed a vibrant green color… a few moments later it dissipated…. Bt the plants were still small…. What had happened…

the crowd that had been silent fro a while began to echo with a small ripple of snickers. Russell couldn't figure it out, What had happened? He then felt Fletcher yank at his sleeve. The elder bother bent slightly so his brother could whisper to him.

"Ummm… Russ? Your pants are gone…" Fletcher whispered. Russell looked down and blushed heavily then he whispered back to Fletcher.

"Yours are gone too…" Russell whispered back and by now the whole crowd had begun to crack up.

Later that night Bilisio dropped by the brother's home still laughing heartily delivering some dinner to the two.

The real shock happened when they received the paper the next morning from Bilisio howling in laugter. The front page had Russell and Fletcher standing without pants on beside some potted plants and in big bold letters the headline was: "Brothers who once posed as the Elrics think de-pantsing themselves is the answer to green thumb problem!"

Russell had to have turned a new shade of red that day, because he never tried a public appearance with alchemy ever again…

Me: **Giggles**

Tara: Wow… nice…

Russell: I thot you loved me!

Me: I do… I just had to make fun of you…

Tara: AHH! Now WE have to do the "Hughes" section!

Me: Yah! WAHOOoOOOOO!

Ed: Dunces….


	9. Maes Hughes: The Naked Singer

R-K-K: Well… yah

Redd Dawn: Soooo… ummm… Kate? Where are we? (Tara's SN on Fan is Redd Dawn and the bad thing? I spelled it wrong last time… Some friend I am…)

R-K-K: Caught in the act?

Redd Dawn: you sound congested… are you O.K?

R-K-K: YES! For god's sake I need more Mountain Dew AND an Anti-Allergy medication that ISN'T sprayed up someone's nose!

Redd Dawn: **Listens** Fall out Boy? Since when do you listen to Fall Out Boy, and Wear gothic clothing to school? (Authoress got bored and dressed gothic for the past week and a half… yah her shirt read "I'm just one big Fucking ray of sunshine, Aren't I?" on it and she wore a head band like Naruto's today…)

R-K-K: Since Liz came over and I've been Ranting about death and Hughes' Death…

Redd Dawn: O.K… so who are we making fun of… Err… being nice to this time?

R-K-K: Hughes… **Plays with Hair and Headband**

Redd Dawn: O.o… Kay, ummm… Yah… you're over the fact he's pushing up daises yet?

R-K-K: No…

Redd Dawn: Get over it then! God Damn!

R-K-K: **Sneezes then rants about summer allergies** Ah, Damn!

Redd Dawn: Kay, umm… you know you have a Hughes rant to write?

R-K-K: I've done two Hughes Rants, I'm over those… now before I lose my mind to Fall Out Boy, My Rat, Denmark, clicking his water dohickiemobobber, and allergies… HUMILLIATION OF HUGHES!

Caught in the Act: Maes Hughes, The Naked Singer (Not as sick as it sounds!)

Maes sat in his desk with headphones on and strands of music could be heard as to the fact the C.D. player the headphones were plugged into was turned up all the way and Maes was singing along. (Authoress randomly gets out of seat and dashes to bathroom, Fall Out Boy's "Dance, Dance" is looping as the Authoress blows her nose cursing about allergies) The Lieutenant Colonel didn't seem to mind that probably the whole military could hear him sing loudly and off key.

"Where is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know, you were the last good thing about this part of town…" Maes sang happily singing to Fall Out Boy's "Grand Theft Autumn (Where is your boy?)". (Authoress randomly says: "Oh my god! FOB!" and giggles at the strange nickname she just came up with for Fall Out Boy… Random Anime Character gets pissed and switches the song to "She's A Rebel" by Green day and seriously the authoress liked Green day songs before she knew WHAT the DICKENS Green day was…) Hughes hummed for a while then re-sang the line he had sung, then Edward burst into the door.

"For the love of god Hughes! I've been asked by half the military to ask you to shut the hell up before the whole military gets Fall Out Boy (FOB!) stuck in their heads and all they can say is 'Where is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman'!" Edward said loudly confiscating Maes' headphones and C.d. Player. Maes pouted at Edward.

"But Ed, Elicia likes that song…" Maes said pouting. Edward took the C.D. out of the player and tossed it to Hughes.

"Then sing to your self, and not aloud…" Edward said then walked out with the C.D. player humming Fall Out Boy's (FOB's!) "Dance, Dance" as he walked away down the hall. Maes grinned and reached into his desk pulling out another C.D. player but put his Fall Out Boy C.D. in his desk and plugged another set of Headphones into the C.D. Player humming softly until his shift was over.

That night Maes took a shower with a small portable stereo plugged in with a C.D. Blaring in the back ground O-Towns' "Every Six Seconds" (Yes I realize that song is about Pie Sex but this is time to humiliate Hughes Sooo…. STFU!).

"I picture you in red black lipstick, smudging it all over me. Leaving a mark on my fantasy! Or swimming in water wearing nothing but moonlight, talk about something wet, SPLASH!" Maes sang loudly drowning out the sexy voices of the boy band. Gracia who had been playing outside with Elicia snickered loudly, her husband was one of the strangest men in the world, but it didn't once cross his mind that his singing sucked. She heard the stereo turn off and the doorbell ring loudly. Maes would be the one to answer it, and he answered it with: "Door's Open!"

"When I see ya, see ya, see ya. I can't believe ya, believe ya, believe ya. Did you slip on heaven's floor and fall an angel? Cause I've been around the world, but I've never seen a girl who could melt a heart like you do." Hughes sang much to his guest's horror as he pranced around the living room in nothing but a towel. The guest in question was Shescia, the bookworm.

"The Lt. Col.'s lost his marbles…" Shescia thought as he finished his song and began another.

"My name is Jimmy and you better not wear it out. Suicide commando that your momma talked about. King of the forty thieves, I'm here to represent… the needle in the vein of the establishment. I'm the patron saint of the denial, with an angel's face and a taste for suicidal!" Maes sang as he strummed an imaginary guitar… and his towel slipped, making him rock out naked in front of Shescia.

Shescia screamed loudly then went to the phone and called the local Funny farm. Ten minutes later (While Maes had been singing "Miracles Happen" By Myra) a squad of men put Maes in a straight jacket and took him away leaving Shescia and Gracia laughing hard as he screamed.

"I PLEAD THE FIFTH! I'M NOT GUILTY! I'M JUST MISUNDERSTOOD! YOU KNOW WHAT! F#$ YOU MR. BEAR! YOU SPEAK LIES!" Maes shouted and they put him out with a shot of some stuff that made him sleepy. Later that week Gracia had taken the film that had pictures of Maes in a straight Jacket to a developer and once they were developed she ran around the military screaming that her husband was crazy.

There are many embarrassing things that happen to good people… unfortunately, some of them are REALLY FRIKKEN FUNNY!

R-K-K: **Giggles**

Redd Dawn: Oh my god that's pretty bad…

R-K-K: I know, I like it that way…

Hughes: O.o… That's pretty funny…

Ed: **Bursts out laughing**

Al: **giggles sheepishly**

Hughes: SOOOO GIVE ME NOVACANE!

R-K-K: MAKE HIM STOP!

Redd Dawn: **Shoves sock in Hughes' mouth**

R-K-K: Silence at last! **Happy Dance **

Redd Dawn: **Hits Authoress over the head with a Tennis Racket** Night, night baby…

R-K-K: Ni, Ni Moddyness… **Snores**

Acknowledgements:

Manga-Ka Hiromu Arakawa

Denise

Moddy

Hikaru

Ryan

James

Yohko

The creator of Coffee

The inventor of C.d.s

Fall Out Boy

Green day

B.A.P. (My hot kinky monkey sex slave)

And…

Maes Hughes!

I shut up now because I is a sad psycho Ishvarlan bitch and a fucking bad ass sin against god… WHAAAAA! I is ninja! See me you cannot! How's that mother Complex! That's right, you walk away Dr. Small! WHAA! I need Coffee… I seriously, serious upon all things serious, shall shut up now…

Authoress is Very sorry people had to see her Dr. Small Rant…You know she loves you, now bow in respect damn you all!

-Reanna-Kris-Katelyn


	10. Authoress Interview EXTRA!

Authoresses note:

Hey guys (and girls)! Here's something special for you guys (And Gals)! An interview with our favorite FMA character Edward Elric! Here he will be asking me questions about the Caught in the Act series and myself. Here it goes!

Ed: So… Kate… how did this whole thing start?

Me: Well, Ed, to be honest… I got a mental image of Roy cleaning my house while I did chores…

Ed: Wow, awesome… so how did you come up with the ideas?

Me: Well… that's tough… Roys came from chores… yours came from a bag of cookies I refused to eat… Winry's came from Tara who suggested a shaman king fic where Hao was muttering about dancing cupcakes in his sleep.

Ed: and the others?

Me: Wait… the bell rang I've got to go for now….

NEXT DAY…

Me: The others? Scar was a suggestion I got from my friend Jimmy saying it was funny if he dressed in Winry's clothes. The Al section was an Idea tara and I came up with, it was almost a colab. The Riza section was a request and I fulfilled it to that person's heart's desire - not to mention it was a GREAT idea!

Ed: I'm curious Kate… how did you come up with the Maes Section?

Me: AHHHH! A person died at our school. It reminded me of Hughes. And Tara and I got to go to my house early and she spent the whole day with me and I wrote the Hughes section with her laughing her ass off in the background…

Ed: Makes sense… but you dedicated some section ideas to someone named Kaylee, what does she have to do with anything?

Me: Keria-Chan was my best friend, she still is… she and I talk rarely but she gives me the craziest ideas… God damn bell… Bell rings

Skip forward a few weeks to summer school

Ed: Anyway… now that you're back in school… I've got several people asking how old are you?

Me: He, He… I'm sixteen (at the time I wrote this) Ed… I'm a Junior in high school…

Ed: Alright… I've heard a rumor that your FMA made up is being changed and used in an OEL (Original English Language) Manga… is that true?

Me: Grins Yah… it is… I can't tell you who the made up is though…

Ed: Wow… so are you really going to make a section on Tara's character Moddy?

Me: Yah… the real Moddy (Tara) is really annoyed by me… so there's going to be another extra bonus… actually Counts silently there's going to be three character extras… Moddy, Keria, and one of my favorite made ups ever Rena Mustang.

Ed: Rena Mustang?

Me: My made up biological little sister to Roy… she's a regular pain in the ass…

Ed: You like to make fun of people a lot… have you been teased in class a lot?

Me: Yah I'm the really unpopular chick who has an affinity with anime and Manga…

Ed: Why do you like FMA so much?

Me: The morals! The authoress! Mrs. Hiromu Arakawa is SO awesome! She's my idol… and my mom loves her cow… (Mom's obsessed with cows and likes the fact Arakawa-Sensei likes cows too )

Ed: Will you do a section on my creator?

Me: You mean her cow? Maybe… I don't know… I like her too much… I don't want to diss her and then get to meet her and she goes off on me…

Ed: We're off topic… so what's the list of character's your going to/ have already dissed?

Me: Roy, You, Winry, Scar, Al, Riza, Envy, Psiren, Greed, Russell, Fletcher, Alex Armstrong, Lust, Maes, Schescia, Hoenhime, and Trisha… give or take a few.

Ed: Counts names that's quite a few… will you do more?

Me: nods Yes. As long as I keep getting reviews with suggestions I'm happy.

Ed: another question about you, if I may. I heard a rumor you dress like you just came out of an anime or a Manga… is this true?

Me: Grins Yes, it's true… Laughs I'm dressed in a Japanese School uniform like Ginta from MÄR's only with a tie and a skirt. I guess I'm guilty of cursing myself out for living in boring America…

Ed: more about you. What do you like the most about "Caught in the Act"?

Me: Ummm…. Coming up with what happens to who… it's fun! I'm having a field day with the Envy section that won't be up for a while… (I'm shooting for a few more pages than normal…)

Ed: you've written A LOT of fan fics… what's your favorite in-story random comment?

Me: "Alright… as the Authoress why do I get a mental image of Al's helm being used as a doorstop while Al's in the background fuming at Roy about why he has his head…" it's similar to the original quote I wrote…

Ed: where did that some from?

Me: Roy's sister and Al are a couple and they both go to Ishbal and Roy gets a bad letter from Al saying Roy's sister has been kidnapped and Roy (The narrator) says he wanted to rip off Al's head and use it for a door stop… yah… I was RRREEEAAALLLYYY freeking board when I wrote that comment… the mental image IS funny though…

Ed: Is it true you get annoyed easily?

Me: I'm annoyed right now… how ironic… yah… I just didn't get anything to eat and I'm starving…

Ed: Back to talking about the series. Who came up with the Maes central Idea, and who picked the songs?

Me: Tara gave me the idea when I dressed gothic for a while, but I came up with the central plot. The songs were by Greenday, Fall Out Boy, and O-Town, I picked them… you can tell because I go "FOB!" when I'm talking about Fall Out Boy. It's funny… those songs actually have significance in my life… part of "Dance, Dance" goes: "These words are all I have, so I write them, I need them just to get by." And St. Jimmy has an excerpt I sent to my "Ex-Father". "I'm the patron saint of the denial." And the song "Every Six Seconds" that's a song my cousin used to sing to me. Lets see… and I think "Grand Theft Autumn" says "Where is you're boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman." That song reminds me of when I first met Brandon.

Ed: what's with Greenday?

Me: I liked songs from Greenday LONG before I knew what the hell Greenday was… in fact my older half brother is best described by "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

Ed: Before we go back to the Series a few more personal questions?

Me: Shoot I don't think I've got anything to hide…

Ed: first off… Do you EVER not do your work in class?

Me: If you're referring to my "Of Mice and Men" essay… then yah… I'm just getting fustrated with it because it's not what I'm shooting for but I've got to get it done…

Ed: why do you write most of this at school?

Me: School is like a safe deposit box… parent's can't get to it… Grins so what if the principal reads it? I'm not worried… I tell everyone I write my notes in the guise of a story so nobody knows what the dickens I'm writing.

Ed: What's with you and the phrase "What the Dickens?"

Me: It's a cool phrase… it's kina cool…

Ed: Back to the series… I seriously want to know… WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WHEN YOU CAME UP WITH THE WINRY SECTION!

Me: Calm down Ed… I was bored and I wanted to take a nap… but I had to go somewhere and I couldn't sleep… there fore I humiliated Winry.

Ed: what's with the songs in the Riza section… and how did you come up with the one about me?

Me: Ummm…. I borrowed a friend's CD's and the "Barbie Girl" song was on one of the CD's in German so I had to use it! I was bored! And well… to tell the truth on the one about you my mom had taken all my CD's for a week and gave me a tape of kid songs… "I'm a little Teapot" had your name written on it when I listened to it…

Ed: Do you hate Roy? You seem to like messing with him.

Me: As does Hiromu Arakawa… he's fun to mess with… I mean it's really fun to piss him off and stuff… and the dog crap thing in the Riza section has a picture I hope to add as a special Fanfic gallery section to my website… it's really funny… Jannee-Sama did the pile of crap… and no… I don't hate Roy, I could never hate Roy…

Ed: What's everyone's favorite section?

Me: Well… Tara's is the R and F section. Hillary's is the Scar section. Jimmy's is unknown. Kaylee's is yours. And mine is…. Ummm… uhh.. I'd have to say…. The… ummm… Maes section… it's just really funny and you get a funny mental picture of Gracia acting like Maes….

Ed: Do you use refrences to some of the things you write?

Me: Ahhhh… you noticed the Winry quote about milk? Yes… I saw the Ep clip of Ed in the hospital, and Kaylee constantly uses that quote.

Ed: Does the writing of this help you do anything?

Me: Laughs type faster? Actually it does! It tests my summary skills. I could take so many of these stories further…

Ed: Do you plan on mocking Pride? (Aka Fuehrer President King Bradley)

Me: OH YAH! In fact I totally plan to diss him… I REALLY hate how he almost kills Roy in the end of the 51 episodes of the Anime…

Ed: Wait… this is based on the Manga?

Me: It's half and half… Mainly the anime… I'm still pissed at the fourth volume of the Manga… Hughes is murdered by Envy… ERRG! But I like the crappy sketch You come up with for Envy while in the hospital… and Envy saved you! That supprised me!

Ed: Do you have any words of wisdom for those who read this?

Me: Don't mix Crack and Mt. Dew?

Ed: Seriously?

Me: No… my advice is to shut up and think! Use all one of your brain cells! And drugs play no part in a writers life!

Ed: Alright… anyone you want to thank?

Me: Yah… A lot of people…

Special thanks to:

My Mom for making me do chores…

My friends for being crazy…

My dad for always yelling at me to make deadlines…

And to all my people in Redding California you guys rule!

And last but not least…. Manga-Ka Hiromu Arakawa!

Ed: Wow… that's a lot… so any reviewers you want to thank in the making of this?

Me: Yah, all of them… particularly Redd Dawn and Mimiru

Ed: cool… another question though… why did you decide to keep going after you said it was only supposed to be three sections long?

Me: Because… I got a lot of reviews… I have about fifty something on it… I lost track after 44…

Ed: Wow… is it your most popular series?

Me: Yes it is! I'm so happy everyone likes it!

Ed: after the Psiren section, who do you plan to humiliate?

Me: Pride… I just got a really funny suggestion from my summer school teacher.

Ed: Where did you get the idea of the Kimbly section?

Me: Kimbly? De-Na-Me-Tay fun…. Things go boom… yah… I like explody things… I'm almost a junior arsonist… I like to make things burst into flame… someone gave me the idea of humiliating Kimbly after I swore to god that the movie "Hoodwinked" needs to seriously go to hell…

Ed: So, what's with the Russell and Fletcher section?

Me: Ohhhh… I could ramble all day on that one… someone reviewed me to quickly post the R and F section and I did only because they were so nice… I gave them a spoiler…

Ed: How did you get the idea?

Me: Other brothers Elric: Part Two, and To Challenge the Sun… the whole thing on posing as You and Al and the whole bit on rebounds got my mind whirling… I also had a science test on plants the day I did that… my teacher read it over my shoulder after I had finished my test and he started cracking up!

Ed: do you let ALL your teachers read your stories?

Me: No… sadly only two of my teachers showed a tiny inkling of enthusiasm when I spoke of them…

Ed: well thank you very much Miss. Kate-the-crazy-authoress-who-needs-to-do-homework-rather-than-type-stories!

Me: No problem! And to my wonderful reviewers. Thanks they mean a lot to me… and if you have any questions about the series review them to me and I'll update this interview!


	11. Envy: The Immature Copycat

Me: In trouble again… curses!

Tara: and the point is?

Me: I hate getting busted?

Tara: well… get another computer…

Me: the others are full…

Tara: so… where are we?

Me: CitA, the Envy section…

Tara: Ok…

Caught in the Act: Envy, the Immature Copycat

Greed stood laughing. Well, Pride, Wrath, and Sloth were laughing too. The homunculi were playing Charade, the no noise game, and it was Envy was the player up. Envy was getting tired of the unprovoked laughter and transformed into Edward.

"What's the matter Envy, havin' PMS again?" Sloth asked putting a fake concerned look on her face.

"No… I'm sick of Charade; I hate this game… so I'm going to make fun of people… Starting with the Fullmetal Runt…" Envy said in Edward's voice. "Look at me! I'm a shrimp who needs anger management, DON'T CALL ME A BEAN!" Envy then yelled shaking a fist at air. "WHAT! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEEK YOU… YOU…!" Envy then transformed into himself again and bowed to the others who were laughing their asses off.

"Do more Envy! More!" Wrath shouted. Envy then turned into Wrath.

"Hello everyone I'm Wrath!" Envy said waving to the homunculi. "DAMN IT I HAVE ADD!" Envy then zoomed around the room like a kid on crack then slammed into a wall. "YAHOOO!" Envy yelled and even Wrath fell over laughing loudly. Envy transformed into himself again and bowed again. "Thank you, Thank you, I'm here all week!" Envy said.

"Do me!" Greed shouted and Envy changed into Greed.

"I may be greedy but I'm still a fool, I have no intention of fighting two homunculi at the same time." Envy said reenacting the time Envy had told Greed that the seven homunculi had gathered for the first time in a long time. "I'm a greedy bastard, I love money and girls and shit like that!" Envy said with a greedy look that resembled Greed's greedy looks. "Greed, that's me you son of a bitch, now give me money! Money, money! M-m-mm-yah! You cheap bastards!" Envy said and stopped for Greed was laughing so hard he was choking. Pride then spoke up.

"Try me on for size Envy." Pride instructed and the double of Greed transformed into a double of Pride.

"I'm Fuehrer Bradley! I'm a Hitler wanna be who kisses people's asses to get my own way! I fake people out and I'm a homosexual and I'm in yoai love with Mustang because I can do that shit and get away with it." Envy said in Pride's voice acting like he was a gay person. (Authoress is bi so she is not intending any bad thing about being gay/homosexual, in fact she likes people that way -) Pride coughed in laughter and Envy continued. "Like oh my god! It's an Ishvarlan! Can I like, kill it? Ohhhhhh…. Bloooodddd goooooodddddd…" Envy said prodding an imaginary dead Ishvarlan. Pride let out a booming laugh and Envy transformed into Gluttony.

"EWWWW…" Sloth said at the Gluttony double.

"I get to eat him?" Envy replied putting a chibi finger on his lips. "I eat Greed…" Envy said then waddled over to Greed and licked his arm. "May I eat him Lust?" Envy then looked at the air next to him with a look of greedy hunger. Envy then grabbed Greed's arm and bit Greed hard on his lower arm then made a face. "He scrawny and he taste like glue…" Envy said and shoved greed away while every one laughed as Greed looked at the copycat of Gluttony. Envy then turned into Sloth.

"Oh crap…" said Sloth. The Sloth double smiled sweetly.

"Hello everyone, I'm Sloth… I'm a lesbian and in my past life my sons were homosexual incestuous lovers." Envy said going up to Sloth and running a sultry finger down her neck. Envy then stepped away from Sloth and smiled before he made sure the dress length that he was wearing was hella short. "Look Pride, Look… You can't say you don't like this too…" Envy then proceeded to bend over and exposed "Sloth's" bottom waving it in the air. Sloth turned a bright scarlet as she and the others let out a new wave of laughter. Envy then changed into Roy Mustang.

"Hello everyone! I'm Colonel Dumbshit!" Envy said and struck a girly pose. He got some roars of laughter and he continued. "I'm the Stupid Alchemist I accidentally alchemized my pants off and I've been walking around East city H.Q. with out pants on! Oh, Hello Mr. Fuehrer fagot sir!" Envy as Roy saluted Pride. "What was that sir? You want to have hot kinky monkey office sex in my office? I'm sorry sir but I have a date with the Fullmetal Runt in a few minutes." Envy had to stop and let the others catch their breath and that's when Wrath spoke up.

"Hey Envy, Do Lust!" The hyper Homunculus suggested and Lust replaced the double of Sloth. Envy grinned but then began to frown in thought. "Sing the milkshake song!" Wrath suggested. Envy then smirked.

"And now! My number one hit single: The milkshake song!" Envy announced and walked over to a pole sticking out of the floor that connected to the ceiling. Envy then transformed Lust's outfit into a kinky looking dress. Envy began to sing the Milkshake song loudly and off Key as he began to pole dance as Lust. But instead of the usual crack of laughter Envy heard silence. "What the crack whore?" Envy said stopping and turning around. He then transformed into his self then gulped. Lust had walked in. "I think I'm screwed…" Envy muttered. Five homunculi left the room while Lust beat the crap out of Envy while making miscellaneous insults.

"Retarded Fucked up idiotic he-she bastard fucker!" came Lust's voice and from then on Envy vowed that not only would he never play charade, but that he'd never imitate Lust; EVER!

Me: Yawn…. Piece ten… any questions?

Tara: Yah… What are you going to do with the fic with the miscellaneous characters taking a quiz on you?

Me: I'm going to post it after I do my D.Gray-Man fic… that I need to finish… and Allen's hot!

Tara: Schezar?

Me: No moron! Allen Walker from D.Gray-Man! Not Allen Schezar from Escaflowne! You hopeless twit!

Tara: That was mean…

Me: I'm PMSing and thank Kami-sama that I don't have that one song…


	12. Kimbly: The Illiterate Pyro

Me: Gasp!

Tara: What now?

Me: I just thought of the most embarrassing thing…

Tara: I have a feeling it involves Kimbly and Dynamite…

Me: How did you know Tara? You're good! Sarcasm! this is part eleven… part ten isn't done yet… this is for the nice reviewer who suggested I humiliate Kimbly

Caught in the Act: Kimbly the Illiterate Pyro

Kimbly Yawned. He was in an Adult Education class… learning how to read… Poor Kimbly never learned how when he was in grammar school. Kimbly scratched his head as he looked at the book he was supposed to be reading. "Fuck this…" Kimbly muttered and got out of his seat and left. The psycho Pyro stretched for a moment he hated that class soooo much, but he kept forcing himself to go. Kimbly wanted to blow something up… as much as he wanted to destroy the school, he didn't, instead he wandered Central city's streets, until he came upon Alex Armstrong.

"Helllllooo Major…" Kimbly said with a slight grin. Armstrong knew that grin but politely smiled back.

"Hello Crimson… where have you been all day?" the Major asked.

"Schoooll…" The crazy arsonist said his grin turning into a smirk.

"Adult Ed? Why do you go?"

"I can't read very well…" the Crimson Alchemist replied.

"Are you serious? How did you pass your alchemy exam?"

"I can't tell you…" Kimbly said his smirk replaced with a crazy smile. "Soooooo Major, whatcha dooooin?"

"I'm working. Like you should be… Don't you have someplace to be?"

Kimbly shook his head. "I don't think so… Can I make something explode?" he asked and this time Armstrong had to smirk.

"Find me some Dynamite and we'll see…" The major said and Kimbly skipped off whistling. Armstrong chuckled it would be funny to see if the illiterate alchemist found actual dynamite.

-A Few minutes later…-

"Dynamite…. Hmmm…" Kimbly picked up a red stick with a fuse at one end. "These are some funny candles… De-Na-Me-Tay?" Kimbly shook his head. "Crazy people… oh, to hell with this shit…" Kimbly took several of the "Candles" in his hand and walked outside with them stuffing all but one in his pockets. The Arsonist looked skeptically at the "Candle" and shook his head. "and people think I'm nuts… who's ever heard of a candle company named 'De-Na-Me-Tay'?" Kimbly grumbled and went to tell the Major that he was going to make an old abandon building implode with Alchemy.

Note:

De-Na-Me-Tay comes from the movie "Hoodwinked" I hate that commercial… But I decided to make it something Kimbly says… and to let you lovely and awesome reviewers know… I never meant that he couldn't read, he just can't read very well… and so… he thinks Dynamite is candles… gotta love commercials that are so retarded you remember them without error…

End note and back to Humiliating Kimbly…

Kimbly smiled at the Major when he found him again and told him he found some "De-Na-Me-Tay" candles and the major chuckled and approved his plans to blow something up via Alchemy.

Now… What really happened to Lab no.5? well…. Kimbly did it…

Kimbly waltzed over to a place next to the Central City prison and smiled. The place was falling apart. "I'm gunna have a feeeeelllldddd day with this…" Kimbly said and smiled insanely as he lit a "candle" from his pocket. The fuse sparked and crackled. "What the hell?" The arsonist thought and then it dawned on him. De-Na-Me-Tay was actually Di-na-mi-te… "Holy crap!" he said running around with the explosive in hand. He finally threw the stick at the decrepit building and a huge crimson blast demolished the building to a pile of pebbles. Kimbly smiled then made a face like a kid looking at a sparkly object. Armstrong came up behind the arsonist.

"Now you know the difference between 'De-Na-Me-Tey' and 'Di-Na-Mi-Te', correct Kimbly?"

"De-Na-Me-Tey is my friend…" Kimbly said taking out another stick and rubbing his face against it lovingly. "New toys…" He said and skipped off.

Me: O.o…

Tara: Oh My God!

Me: LOL!

Reviewers: That was short…

Me: Well… I'm running on a full bladder…

Tara: TMI kate…. TMI…

Me: Shrugs Hope you crazy arsonist lovers enjoy!


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